Talking to peers and friends
Whilst we know the majority of children don’t talk about their sexual abuse, those who do often do so to their friends, in particular adolescents. Research has found that adolescents prefer to confide in other young people and are reluctant to report sexual abuse to professionals (Tutty, 2009), in fact, some studies have found that up to a third of adolescents who have experienced child sexual abuse told only their peers (Kogan, 2004; Schönbucher et al., 2012).
McElvaney et al.’s (2014) research demonstrates how adolescents talked to their peers about sexual abuse whilst talking about their respective psychological difficulties. In many situations, friends notice changes in behaviour and are able to provide emotional, practical and moral support. However, some children may worry about placing a burden on their friends or prefer the company of friends who don’t know about their abuse (Cossar et al., 2013). Furthermore, not all children who confide in their friends have a positive experience of doing so. For example, Cosser found that some children experienced the peer or friend to gossip about them to others, share messages on social media or talk to others without their permission. Nonetheless, we know that adolescents are more likely to confide in their peers than they are in professionals and as such there is a need for young people who may be the recipients of information about sexual abuse from a peer to be supported in knowing how to respond.
Nonetheless, we know that adolescents are more likely to confide in their peers than they are in professionals and as such there is a need for young people who may be the recipients of information about sexual abuse from a peer to be supported in knowing how to respond.
Educating young people on how to respond to a peer telling them they have experienced sexual abuse will hopefully lead to young people feeling more confident in hearing this information and knowing how to respond. In turn, this will hopefully mean that children experiencing sexual abuse feel better supported. Such education could include messages such as those outlined below.
Whilst we know the majority of children don’t talk about their sexual abuse, those who do often do so to their friends, in particular adolescents. Research has found that adolescents prefer to confide in other young people and are reluctant to report sexual abuse to professionals (Tutty, 2009), in fact, some studies have found that up to a third of adolescents who have experienced child sexual abuse told only their peers (Kogan, 2004; Schönbucher et al., 2012).
McElvaney et al.’s (2014) research demonstrates how adolescents talked to their peers about sexual abuse whilst talking about their respective psychological difficulties. In many situations, friends notice changes in behaviour and are able to provide emotional, practical and moral support. However, some children may worry about placing a burden on their friends or prefer the company of friends who don’t know about their abuse (Cossar et al., 2013). Furthermore, not all children who confide in their friends have a positive experience of doing so. For example, Cosser found that some children experienced the peer or friend to gossip about them to others, share messages on social media or talk to others without their permission. Nonetheless, we know that adolescents are more likely to confide in their peers than they are in professionals and as such there is a need for young people who may be the recipients of information about sexual abuse from a peer to be supported in knowing how to respond.
Nonetheless, we know that adolescents are more likely to confide in their peers than they are in professionals and as such there is a need for young people who may be the recipients of information about sexual abuse from a peer to be supported in knowing how to respond.
Educating young people on how to respond to a peer telling them they have experienced sexual abuse will hopefully lead to young people feeling more confident in hearing this information and knowing how to respond. In turn, this will hopefully mean that children experiencing sexual abuse feel better supported. Such education could include messages such as those outlined below.
What can I say if my friend tells me they have been sexually abused?
- Ask them how you might be able to help.
- Show that you believe them and support their decisions.
- Remind them that no one has the right to hurt them and that no matter what, it’s not their fault that this happened.
What should I avoid saying?
- "It’s not your fault" (without listening to their story)
- Using common sayings like “it will all be better with time"
- Probing for details – let them tell you what has happened in their own time
- Blaming them – eg “What were you wearing?”, “Were you drinking?” or “Did you text him to come over?”
- Showing disgust or shock
- Smirking and showing obvious disbelief
- "Why didn’t you say straight away? Why are you only coming forward now?"
SpeakUp (UWE, Bristol)