What stops children telling?
It is clear that across society there is a hesitancy to talk about child sexual abuse, and this includes many professional groups. This reluctance is replicated in family life; family difficulties can make children particularly vulnerable and affect their ability, opportunity and confidence in talking to adults about their experiences of sexual abuse:
Mental health issues
When a parent is mentally unwell, their capacity to recognise their children’s emotional needs may be jeopardised. In addition, children may not want to tell their parents what is worrying them for fear of exacerbating their parents’ mental health difficulties.
Drug and alcohol misuse
Parental drug or alcohol misuse may leave children exposed to inappropriate adults and behaviour; without physical or emotional care due to the effects of substances; and isolated from their friends due to issues of shame, embarrassment or poor school attendance. As with mental health issues, parents may struggle to recognise their children’s emotional needs and children may not feel able to tell their parents what is worrying them for fear of exacerbating difficulties.
Domestic abuse
Children may be living in fear of one or both parents and may be scared to tell anyone about the abuse for fear of reprisals for them or their parent. Many children who experience domestic abuse try to maintain secrecy about their situation and often become isolated as a result.
Parental learning disability When children have a parent/parents with a learning disability, there may be an impaired ability for the parents to understand what is happening to a child, the family may be experiencing harassment and abuse which can increase the risk of child sexual abuse and children may not feel able to talk to their parents because of these vulnerabilities thinking this will add pressure onto them.
Young carers Children who have caring responsibilities for adults in their family may find it hard to speak about abuse with the parent they care for because of concerns about who will provide care going forward and not wanting to further burden them.
Parental history of sexual abuse
While any parent who has experienced sexual abuse may feel determined not to let their own child experience it too, their experiences as a child can leave parents vulnerable to future abusive relationships; with a lack of confidence about appropriate sexual behaviour and boundaries; over confident about their ability to recognise abuse; or with a distorted understanding of sex and relationships. Difficulties arising from their abuse, such as substance misuse or poor mental health, may further jeopardise protective capacity.
Lack of parental awareness of child sexual abuse or distorted views of relationships and children’s sexuality A lack of understanding about sexual abuse, appropriate relationships and children’s sexuality may affect their capacity to keep their children safe from sexual harm.
Cultural context and racism
Shame and stigma surround child sexual abuse across all communities, but research highlight this as a specific factor influencing how child sexual abuse is responded to within ethnic minority communities. Racism in society can make it harder for individuals in ethnic minority communities to speak up about child sexual abuse out of concern for reinforcing negative stereotypes.
Co-existing concerns about other forms of abuse
Where there are existing concerns about child neglect, emotional or physical abuse children may not be noticed and their worries not heard. Children may also be actively made to keep information about their circumstances from professionals through intimidation or pressure regarding family loyalty.
There are many additional reasons why children may feel the need to keep their abuse secret, including as a way of coping with the experience (McElvaney, 2016). Each child’s reasons may be unique, so the following list is by no means exhaustive, but may include:
• Feeling embarrassed or ashamed
• Fear of not being believed
• Not having the language or the capacity to communicate verbally, or not knowing how to tell
• Not recognising the experience as abusive
• Being threatened or manipulated by the person who has abused them
• Feeling that the implications of telling are worse than the implications of keeping it secret
• Fearing the consequences of speaking out, such as:
the impact on their non-abusing parent or wider family;
being removed from the family, having to move home or school;
the abuser getting into trouble, harming themselves or leaving the family;
disrupting their family, particularly if the family is facing multiple adversities;
fear of not being believed
• Feeling responsible for the abuse
• Impact on cultural context and community
• Experience of racism, disablism, sexism, homophobia and transphobia
• The child’s relationship with the abuser
• The age of the child when the abuse started
• The type of abuse (e.g. with penetrative and chronic abuse it may mean it can take longer for children to talk to someone).
It is clear that across society there is a hesitancy to talk about child sexual abuse, and this includes many professional groups. This reluctance is replicated in family life; family difficulties can make children particularly vulnerable and affect their ability, opportunity and confidence in talking to adults about their experiences of sexual abuse:
Mental health issues
When a parent is mentally unwell, their capacity to recognise their children’s emotional needs may be jeopardised. In addition, children may not want to tell their parents what is worrying them for fear of exacerbating their parents’ mental health difficulties.
Drug and alcohol misuse
Parental drug or alcohol misuse may leave children exposed to inappropriate adults and behaviour; without physical or emotional care due to the effects of substances; and isolated from their friends due to issues of shame, embarrassment or poor school attendance. As with mental health issues, parents may struggle to recognise their children’s emotional needs and children may not feel able to tell their parents what is worrying them for fear of exacerbating difficulties.
Domestic abuse
Children may be living in fear of one or both parents and may be scared to tell anyone about the abuse for fear of reprisals for them or their parent. Many children who experience domestic abuse try to maintain secrecy about their situation and often become isolated as a result.
Parental learning disability When children have a parent/parents with a learning disability, there may be an impaired ability for the parents to understand what is happening to a child, the family may be experiencing harassment and abuse which can increase the risk of child sexual abuse and children may not feel able to talk to their parents because of these vulnerabilities thinking this will add pressure onto them.
Young carers Children who have caring responsibilities for adults in their family may find it hard to speak about abuse with the parent they care for because of concerns about who will provide care going forward and not wanting to further burden them.
Parental history of sexual abuse
While any parent who has experienced sexual abuse may feel determined not to let their own child experience it too, their experiences as a child can leave parents vulnerable to future abusive relationships; with a lack of confidence about appropriate sexual behaviour and boundaries; over confident about their ability to recognise abuse; or with a distorted understanding of sex and relationships. Difficulties arising from their abuse, such as substance misuse or poor mental health, may further jeopardise protective capacity.
Lack of parental awareness of child sexual abuse or distorted views of relationships and children’s sexuality A lack of understanding about sexual abuse, appropriate relationships and children’s sexuality may affect their capacity to keep their children safe from sexual harm.
Cultural context and racism
Shame and stigma surround child sexual abuse across all communities, but research highlight this as a specific factor influencing how child sexual abuse is responded to within ethnic minority communities. Racism in society can make it harder for individuals in ethnic minority communities to speak up about child sexual abuse out of concern for reinforcing negative stereotypes.
Co-existing concerns about other forms of abuse
Where there are existing concerns about child neglect, emotional or physical abuse children may not be noticed and their worries not heard. Children may also be actively made to keep information about their circumstances from professionals through intimidation or pressure regarding family loyalty.
There are many additional reasons why children may feel the need to keep their abuse secret, including as a way of coping with the experience (McElvaney, 2016). Each child’s reasons may be unique, so the following list is by no means exhaustive, but may include:
• Feeling embarrassed or ashamed
• Fear of not being believed
• Not having the language or the capacity to communicate verbally, or not knowing how to tell
• Not recognising the experience as abusive
• Being threatened or manipulated by the person who has abused them
• Feeling that the implications of telling are worse than the implications of keeping it secret
• Fearing the consequences of speaking out, such as:
the impact on their non-abusing parent or wider family;
being removed from the family, having to move home or school;
the abuser getting into trouble, harming themselves or leaving the family;
disrupting their family, particularly if the family is facing multiple adversities;
fear of not being believed
• Feeling responsible for the abuse
• Impact on cultural context and community
• Experience of racism, disablism, sexism, homophobia and transphobia
• The child’s relationship with the abuser
• The age of the child when the abuse started
• The type of abuse (e.g. with penetrative and chronic abuse it may mean it can take longer for children to talk to someone).