16 - 18
As young people approach adulthood, their sense of independence is developing. Being honest with young people is always important but it may feel even more important to young people as they transition towards adulthood. It is important to remember that some teenagers may assume you know everything that has happened and will make judgements about this. You should remind them that you care, want to help as best you can and offer reassurance that you are not going to make any judgements about them or the things they tell you.
Example Conversation
Young person: If I ask you something will you promise not to tell anyone?
You: I’m really pleased you feel you can talk to me. I would only talk to someone else about what you say to me if I really needed to and I would always tell you I was going to do that
Young person: Ok
You: Are you feeling Ok?
Young person: *shruggs shoulders*
You: Is there anything you would like to talk to me about?
Young person: He says he loves me but I don’t know if that’s right?
You: He says he loves you but you don’t know if that’s right
Young person: Yeah. He says he cares about me but I don’t know. He has sex with me all the time. I don’t know
You: I hear you saying he has sex with you all the time and you don’t like it
Young person: I hate it. He hurts me when he does it. He is rough and I don’t like it. I hate him
You: I hear that someone has sex with you, they hurt you and they are rough with you
Young person: *Nods head*
You: Do you feel able to tell me anymore about who it is that has sex with you and hurts you?
Young person: Nigel
You: Nigel
Young person: Yeah.
You: Do you feel able to tell me how you know Nigel
Young person: He lives with us, he’s my mum’s boyfriend
You: Nigel is your mum’s boyfriend
Young person: Yes. I hate him. He says he loves me but I hate him
You: Do you feel able to tell me when when Nigel last had sex with you?
Young person: Last night
You: When we first started speaking you asked if I would tell anyone if you told me something. I said I would only do that if I really needed to. I need to make sure you are safe so this is one of those times when I really need to talk to someone.
You: How do you feel now?
You: Is there anything else you would like me to know or do?
Young person: If I ask you something will you promise not to tell anyone?
You: I’m really pleased you feel you can talk to me. I would only talk to someone else about what you say to me if I really needed to and I would always tell you I was going to do that
Young person: Ok
You: Are you feeling Ok?
Young person: *shruggs shoulders*
You: Is there anything you would like to talk to me about?
Young person: He says he loves me but I don’t know if that’s right?
You: He says he loves you but you don’t know if that’s right
Young person: Yeah. He says he cares about me but I don’t know. He has sex with me all the time. I don’t know
You: I hear you saying he has sex with you all the time and you don’t like it
Young person: I hate it. He hurts me when he does it. He is rough and I don’t like it. I hate him
You: I hear that someone has sex with you, they hurt you and they are rough with you
Young person: *Nods head*
You: Do you feel able to tell me anymore about who it is that has sex with you and hurts you?
Young person: Nigel
You: Nigel
Young person: Yeah.
You: Do you feel able to tell me how you know Nigel
Young person: He lives with us, he’s my mum’s boyfriend
You: Nigel is your mum’s boyfriend
Young person: Yes. I hate him. He says he loves me but I hate him
You: Do you feel able to tell me when when Nigel last had sex with you?
Young person: Last night
You: When we first started speaking you asked if I would tell anyone if you told me something. I said I would only do that if I really needed to. I need to make sure you are safe so this is one of those times when I really need to talk to someone.
You: How do you feel now?
You: Is there anything else you would like me to know or do?